It's harvest time – the apple trees are weighted with fruit. Exam
results have either been announced or will be for our 16+ adolescents.
One phrase bubbles up: /What now?/

Perhaps as a /parent,/ you feel you have invested so much time, effort
and money into your child and she/he hasn't done as well as you would've
hoped; you feel guilty, let down, anxious. Your expectations have not
been met and what's that about? Could it be that you feel squeezed
between the rock (your parents) and a hard place (your adolescent)?
Perhaps you feel you have done something “wrong”... and are feeling
stuck. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you feel angry – you wanted
so much more for your child that you never had. For you it's a loss and
sometimes anxiety sets in as well as depression, a missed opportunity to
measure up with important people in your life. I wonder if you are
living your aspirations or lack of, through your children. There may be
other pressures too – your life, disappointment, a sense of failure,
maybe feeling not good enough and changes are happening within your
home. Some young people are off to university, leaving you with an empty
nest – your tree which has shred its fruit and the family will have to
readjust and adapt to certain roles, identities; perhaps the loss feels
unbearable.

As a /young person/, where you achieved your predicted grades,
*c**ongratulations*! If not, where do you go from here? Perhaps you have
feelings of guilt, being out of control, not listened to and mostly
pressurised. The message is “you could've done better, we are angry,
you've let us down and we've done so much for you!!!” It's my experience
that some young people today are not heard or valued - you've got to be
a round peg yet you're a square one. Maybe you have faced so many
challenges – tried to measure up, find your own identity and so many
directive messages have left you feeling out of control. People don't
see *you* and so you made the choice to harness control. You're going to
show “them” whose boss of your life. The bottom line is only you are.

We're all masters of our own destinies. Picking apples just now, I
noticed how they were all individual – some big, some small yet most
were perfect – worms have infiltrated and writing metaphorically I know
how parents, grandparents and also friends, can become a debilitating
factor of a life journey and self esteem. Growing up is hard and
sometimes the past impacts our current lives.

OK, some of us weren't meant to be lawyers, doctors, bankers or
accountants. It's the path you choose now where you can connect closely
on a visceral platform. My integrative practice and belief is that you
are perfect, albeit perhaps a little bruised or uncertain at the moment.
With a counsellor, you can work on where the past impacts on the
present. You do have choices and together you can work it out, in a safe
place.

How does your future look now? What apples are you picking from your
tree? Some will get thrown away or forgotten about; others will be
prized, perhaps entered into the local fruit and vegetable festival. And
if that were a picture, what would it look like? If it were a taste,
would it be the bitter pill, hard to swallow and resulting in stomach
aches? If your feelings were a sound, perhaps you could tell me more.

The future is yours and so are your choices.

Published on 22nd August, 2016