Spring has arrived. I notice too that “weeds” have appeared. I wonder,
does this represent a part of one's self? Are there parts within a
person who would like to root out and plant a more beautiful, more
aesthetically pleasing bloom? Winter has passed; perhaps a moment has
been lost where self exploration and fortuitous growth for one's self
has been canopied or disguised by new growth. Perhaps it's a mixture of
both.

I sense that weeds dominate other parts, particularly “pretty” flowers”.
Weeds seem to re-appear again and again and I believe that we all have
weeds in our emotional gardens yet some people cling on to these
difficult parts of ourselves. I often hear “I don't like this part of
myself”. I wonder, what does this person need to change their “weed”
into a beautiful bloom?

Carl Rogers, a very wise man, created the person centred approach to
address this very existential dilemma. He didn't believe that the past
impacted on the here and now. He believed and created the person centred
approach on three main core conditions to enable growth. These are
empathy, congruency and unconditional positive regard.

As children, we need all these ingredients of being heard, understood,
empathised with. We need someone to be able to walk in our footsteps and
not judge us, nor bring their own agenda to our garden. What we don't
need is sympathy. It usually starts with “At least” and then you know
you are being sympathised. Empathy is different: another person might
say “It sure feels dark down here and I am here with you”.

Everyone has the capacity to grow and change. It takes courage and when
you have been repeatedly told that there's something wrong with you, a
feeling of being disabled emerges. Perhaps the “weed” part of you was
planted when you were young and year after year, the feeling of not
being good enough, not measuring up, not making parents and grandparents
proud continues to impact your emotional and physical well being.
Physically, our bodies can experience headaches, nightmares, anxiety –
the list could be very long or even, very short.

Another metaphor, is that we all have “shops”. We present our shop front
to the people in our world, some we have known for years or embarking on
a new relationship with. We like to show people our best – we are
selling and hoping they don't find out what is in the back room of our
“shop”. The back part of our shop is usually weeds – experiences that
make us feel uncomfortable, shamed, angry, bad and within our culture,
the “stiff upper lip” is the norm. I disagree. People are fragile,
vulnerable and with spring here now, perhaps this is the time to choose
a different way where “weeds” are nurtured, heard and changed into a
more empowering, joyful way of being.

To be heard, validated and emotionally held is extremely reparative.

Everyone has the ability to change and yes, it takes courage and
motivation. What are your “weeds” and what does your back of shop front
feel like, for you? Would you like to change your garden? You can you
know and spring, a season of much change, is here now.

Published on 4th May, 2016